A busy life

A busy life ...........

We live in a busy life ........

Look around ….. you just found business , money , relationships based on a lie , people are lying … just because they don't know how to say the truth …

You will a also find people ... they will talk about feelings, love, life, truth …. But actually they are talking about hatred , death … and lies ...

You can see more people … hiding … from themselves, from their loved ones , from shadows of their memories and imagination …… just stop one of them and ask him ….. what are you hiding from .. he will just look around and say " I don't know " …… and actually he is hiding in a more scary place than whatever he is hiding from….

We started to fear mornings as same as we always scared from dark nights …. We don't even know the difference between them anymore ..

We don't know even the difference between the sounds of owls and wolves and the sound of singing birds.....

Yes my friend .. just look around .. you will find more people ….. people are not walking anymore .. people are running …… running from their past to their future …. Running from their destiny do their destiny ....

If you really are looking for the truth …. Here is the truth ….. we are all going to the same destination my friend … we are just going through different roads .. and that up there was one of them ....

But there is always a cross road … and you can always shift from the road through the dark caves .. to the road through gardens …..

words are not enough

words are not enough

I wanted to write something for a friend of mine …..
And for the first time .. words are not coming out of mind …..
I've tried to say words .. beautiful words about him …..and nothing coming out ....
Maybe because he gave me feelings that words cannot describe ….
he is indescribable person to me !!!! …. He is a great friend …..
I found him every where I go …. I found him every time I need …..
He was always there for me every time I bleed ..…
Even when I'm not asking .. even when I'm not looking .. he was always there indeed ...
And yes my friend .. words are not enough ……
I knew him one day by chance while time is passing … and now I really don't know how would my life be without him.... he was always there when life is flashing …..
Maybe life wouldn't be so bad without him .... but when he is here … he makes life so great around him ……
A friend who always give and never ask …. A friend who was always there when people turn their back ….
A friend who forgive when I blow up … friend who gives hope when I give it up ..
A friend when I fear he calm me down .. and when I drop a tear he wipe it out …
Forgive me my friend the day when I say goodbye … it would really kill me no matter how hard I try ….
mind and memories always betrays us ... so my friend when that day comes .. I just want you to remember me as a piece of your heart … as you were always owning mine ...... :)

The day when I stabbed my heart

I was living that stable sweet life with no great looses.. No fancy living .. no huge changes ……

I really was satisfied with it .. smiling to everyone .. wiping their tears .. laughing at funny stuff , until …………………

Until ………..

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Until that night …… until that moment … until that dream ……

That moment when I lost everything …. My satisfaction…. , my life ….., my soul …… even my smile ………

I remember you staring at me in that dream .. I remember every single shadow was scaring .. I remember every single breath I was taking ……

I woke up … I don't really remember if it was night or morning .. but I really remember that everything was mourning …..

I remember sitting in that dark corner in my room .. just listening to the clock ...... ticking….. Distracted .. confused … thinking with no mind …looking with no sight .. feeling with no heart .. that's what i felt back then ....

It wasn't easy to wake up … and it wasn't easy to fall sleep again …. I don't even think it was easy to breath …

I've tried to move on .. as if nothing had happened .. it was working at the beginning .. but not till the end …….

The end ……….… the end when I tried to speak .. when I finally decided to say that word … that stupid word which brings lovers together .. and some other times it just breaks their hearts .. consume their souls ... torn their feelings .

My hands are shaking … my body is freezing … heart is bleeding .. and I did say that word …

I wish there was no but ………

but every door was shut …

and we have to be apart ….

The story is … when I stabbed my heart ………..

my life without you

my life without you

Everything is passing like I have no soul .. my heart, my brain, my life .. unbearable pain got them all ..

Trying to forget how cruel I was .. how mean I am .. how selfish I became .. but how would I do that when everything around is calling you name ..... when the moon blames me every day I didn't tell you good night .....

How could I forget when every single beat of my heart is screaming .. screaming so loud .. pigging me to stab it with a wedge so it won't beat no more .... maybe the pain would stop .

Even quiet hills is whispering to me .. your name is everywhere .... there is an image of your face will never get out of my memory .. your face is smiling no matter how pain your heart bears .. you still smiling .. but I just can't ignore that tear...... that tear in your eyes hiding behind the smile.

But I will never forget ………... I will never forget how kind you were to me .. how life was beautiful just because you were there .. but now when you are not here anymore .. I just gather my heart, my sorrow , my tears together .. grieving for what life forces us to do , mourning how life would be with you .

I have a daily tear wants to come out , in every second I realize that you are not around ….. Tears have drained in my eyes .. slowly turning my heart into a rock .. turning me into a zombie .. walking in my dead body without even realizing is it a hill or a valley…..

Wishing life would be cool without your eyes .. wishing life would still beautiful without your beauty .......... wishing that pain would vanish and the image In my head for you ……. Just Living everyday in a denial for what seems so true ….

I still have that question in my head .. how everything becomes so gray after it was red ..When beauty turns into ashes .. and life into flashes .. when good memories are so hard to remember as pain is so hard to forget ….

All that pain maybe I can handle without making a cry .. but how can I handle it when I see that tear in your eye .. when I see your eyes glowing high in the sky .. I've never deserved you , that's why I can't climb so high

Fear comes in my mornings as it comes in my nights .. dreams became nightmares .. waving flowers turning into gibbets' robes .. kids laughter into screams .

I want to feel the lightning, thunder and rain over and over again .. let the cold water and light just wash away all that darkness which covers everything that was once so bright .

Somehow life shows me walking trees ...... with no bright green , with no leaves ........ shaking the ground .. shaking my heart .. walking in a funeral .. a funeral for every rose has fade … for the last promise I made ..

But when words stand helpless .. can't describing how beautiful life is with you .. at least it could say .. that this is how it seems … my life without you …

عن الرئيس

عن الرئيس 

زي كتير من الناس اللي انتخبت, انا كمان عصرت علي عيني لمونة واخترت مرسي في الجولة التانية بعد العسكر ما قلصوا اختياراتنا قهرياً من البرادعي وابو اسماعيل ... لصباحي وابو الفتوح .. لحد مرسي والبتاع التاني ... اه .. البتاع ده اللي العسكر زقوه علينا في الانتخابات كدة زي اللبانة اللزجة اللي بتلزق وماتطلعش من الهدوم ...

وده ينقلك تاموتيكي كدة .. اه والله .. للانتخابات أو (الانطخبات) علي رأي الحج فاروق ابن الحج سلطان ... هي بقي كانت انتخابات بجد ولا ماكانتش !!!!!! اصل مش مقنعة بردك موضوع ان مرسي اخد مركز أول في الجولة الاولي والحركات دي .... هو اه العسكر قرطسنا بس ماقرطسناش بصياعة كدة .. يعني احنا فاهمين اننا متقرطسين .. هو لو صايع بقي كان قرطسنا من غير مانفهم اننا متقرطسين ... عسكر بقي !!! والسخيف اننا لسة ساكتين واحنا فاهمين وعارفين ...... وانا مش مقتنع بأي حاجة من اللي حصلت دي .. بس كل واحد مننا كدة من جواه ساكت عشان الدم ........ خسرنا دم كتير ...... خسرنا ناس كانوا مخليين مصر احلي بيهم ... صعب لما تمشي في شوارع مصر وماتشوفش وش مينا دانيل أو خالد سعيد ... (رغم اني مابحبش الكلام ده عشان بحسه مبتذل) بس والله في حاجة اتغيرت بموتهم ... مش حاجة واحدة .. حاجات كتير .. ماتحسش كدة ان المطرة هي هي زي في وجودهم .. ولا حتي تراب الارض بيعفر عليك بحنية زي تراب الغيط .. دلوقتي تحس حتي التراب كارهك من كتر الناس الواطية اللي بتمشي عليه كل يوم .................... رضينا وسكتنا عشان مش عاوزين دم تاني .. مش حباً في مرسي ولا رضي بيه .. لأ .... عشان بس مانخسرش تاني ناس من اللي بيخلوا مصر احلي مكان ع الارض ..

رغم ده مش عارف ليه في حاجة بسطتني في خطابات مرسي سواء في الميدان او الجامعة .. وحتي الخطابين بتوع المحكمة واللي في الهايكستب ... عرف يوسطن نفسه "نوعاً ما" بين الكلام الثوري اللي مش محسوب وبين كلامه كرئيس دولة متزن مش طايش وخلاص ...... في كل كلمة او جملة ثورية كان بيقولها كنت بدور علي اي حاجة تتفهم انه هايبقي معانا ضد العسكر ... شوية كان ينصفني وساعات يرجع يشكر المجلس وارجع اشتمه تاني .... بتمني في كل حرف بيقوله انه يكون اتعلم من اللي العسكر بيعملوه ... وعملوه ... سواء مع الاخوان زمان أو الاخوان دلوقتي ... بقول يا رب يكون ناوي يعمل معاهم زي اردوغان .. بس عموماً احنا اتنفخنا كلام من السياسيين ... كفاية بقي .. خلينا في اللي بنفهمه (الافعال) ..... تعالي يا اسطي مرسي العربية راكبلها ماتور فزبة والتنجيد بتاعها معمول عند عجلاتي ..... تقييمي لمرسي هايبدأ باختياره لرئيس وزراء ونواب ووزراء عليهم رضا من القوي السياسية (ولاد الكلب) ومن الثوار الغلابة والناس المتبهدلة في الشوارع في كل حتة في البلد دي ..... والاهم من ده كله حق اللي ماتوا وغرقوا الشوارع بلون شفناه احمر بس لونه الحقيقي لون الجنة ..

اعتقد بالمعيار اللي فوق ده مرسي لحد دلوقتي ... فشل زريع .. لأن الجنزوري لسة  بيغسل  .... آآآآآ ..... لسة بيغسل أيده في حمام مجلس الوزرا .. طنطاوي لسة وزير دفاع وغالباً هايستمر ... فايزة لسة بتطلعلنا في الكوابيس .. ودي الحاجات اللي مش عاوزة وقت طويل عشان تتنفذ .. عموماً خلينا مستنيين.

من جوايا مقتنع تماماً ان مرسي هايخذلنا وبتمني من جوايا انه يقف مع الثورة ويشوف بس نقدر نعمل ايه ..  رغم كدة مقتنع بردو اني هسانده ضد العسكر في اي معركة وفي اي قرار وفي اي كلمة .. من الحاجات اللي شوية مخلياني متفائل ومستغرب ومندهش ان الحج ابويا كان بيشتم في الاخوان زيليون مرة في الثانية اتحول بنوع من انواع الشعوذة وبشكل غريب لتأييد مرسي !!!!!!! يمكن بسبب كرهه للعسكر .. عموماً ابويا اثبت قدرة تنبؤ عجيبة طول السنة ونص .. وحالياً عنده ثقة في مرسي اتمني يطلع صح كمان المرة دي ..

"قَالُواْ أُوذِينَا مِن قَبْلِ أَن تَأْتِيَنَا وَمِن بَعْدِ مَا جِئْتَنَا قَالَ عَسَى رَبُّكُمْ أَن يُهْلِكَ عَدُوَّكُمْ وَيَسْتَخْلِفَكُمْ فِي الأَرْضِ فَيَنظُرَ كَيْفَ تَعْمَلُونَ" .... اية 129 سورة الاعراف ... الآية دي كانت في بالي طول الوقت ايام محمد محمود ومجلس الوزرا والايام اللي بعدها ... كنت بسأل نفسي طول الوقت هي ليه كل الدقون اللي في المجلس دي ومحدش منهم اخد باله من الاية دي وهو بيقرا القرآن .. احساس غريب فعلاً لما ناس تموت عشان الحق والحرية ويتخونوا ويتقال عليهم بلطجية ... الظلم وحش .......... نفسي مرسي ياخد باله بقي من الاية دي عشان مايحصلش معاه زي مجلس الشعب ..

بمناسبة التفاؤل .... في حديث سيدنا محمد عليه الصلاة والسلام .. "يا عبد الرحمن بن سمرة، لا تسأل الإمارة، فإنك إن أوتيتها عن مسألة وكلت إليها، وإن أوتيتها من غير مسألة أعنت عليها" ... بيتهيألي مرسي بقي رئيس غصب عن العسكر بسبب خوفهم ان التزوير هايخلي التحرير يجيب عاليها واطيها .. وغصب عن الثوار عشان عصروا اللمون وانتخبوه بدل ما البتاع التاني ما يكسب ... وطبعاً غصب عن الفلول ... ويمكن كمان غصب عن الاخوان اللي كانوا عاوزين الشاطر !!!! او هكذا اتمني يعني ان مرسي يكون فعلاً بقي رئيس عن غير مسألة ... لأن لو ربنا أعانه .. الخير هايبقي لينا كلنا ... يا رب عينه مع الحق علي الظلم ......