عندما تموت الشمس

عندما تموت الشمس

"عندما تموت الشمس" ...... الكلمة دي قرأتها مرة في مقالة و انا طفل صغير , حاولت كتير افهم معناها . مرة فهمت ان الشمس بتموت زي البشر و ان النجوم اهلها هايزعلو عليها , و مرة عرفت انها نجم زي كل النجوم هاييجي يوم و تموت و هايتكون ثقب اسود و الجاذبية بتاعته هتسحب كل اللي موجود في المجموعة الشمسية , و حسيت مرة ان دة حاجة تانية .. حاجة ملهاش تفسير ..... بس حاجة حزينة . بس الغريب ان دة كله بيعبر عن الدنيا و هي ظلام , بس يا تري الظلام ده موجود في عقولنا و لا في قلوبنا و لا في كل حاجة في دنيتنا !!!؟

الغريب اني مش فاكر المقالة دي كانت بتتكلم عن ايه بس فاكر ان الجملة دي وجعتني قوي و لمست احساسي حتي و انا طفل صغير ... ولحد دلوقتي بفتكرها كتير و بحاول اعرف معاني اكتر ليها ..... بس اللي فهمته بعد كدة ان الكلمة دي مش بتعبر عن حاجة واحدة بس ...... لكن كل واحد مننا هايبقي ليه شمسه .. هايبقي ليه نوره .. و كلنا خايفين من اليوم اللي هاتموت فيه شمسنا .....

في حاجة واحدة بس عاوز اقولها في الاخر , النور اللي جوانا اكبر من اي شمس و اكبر من اي نور .. بس احنا عمرنا ما استخدمناه ... لو حد فينا ماتت شمسه يكفيه نور ايمانه و قلبه ها ينوروا اماكن ابعد كتير من ان الشمس توصلها .



احمد العرايشي

Mirrors

Mirrors

I see you .. you see you .. I see him .. you see him .. they see us .. we see them......... it's all in the mirrors .. it's all in our minds .. it's not a reflection ....... it's a vision.

You look in the mirror .. you don't see yourself .. I look in the mirror .. I don't see me.... onetime I saw you, looking back at me .. hiding behind the bars waiting for someone ... someone to set you free .

Here is my hand hold on to it .... I closed my eyes and tried to hold on too and so tight... I felt so strong back then trying to pull you out... and suddenly I felt my weakness while the mirror was grabbing me in... I opened my eyes and suddenly I felt the touch of glass... my hands are torn apart... the blood is all around... your picture in my head... my heart is full of wrath .........

I wished I could save you .. but now I know .. it wasn't you .. you wouldn't ever let my hand go .. and I wouldn't do too ..

Mirrors lie .. they never tell the truth they only show you what you want to see .. smile to it and they will smile back .. but take a look inside you, you will feel your tear..

In the mirrors aftermath, ruins remained and left behind .....

in the mirrors dark skies, seas and waves .... and lots of faith .. but not enough to shine up the dark skies .. not enough to protect us from the waves and not enough to keep our heads held high ……

In the mirrors there is a picture .. you can almost hear its screams... screaming so loud... that you can't even understand... yes it's so quiet around you .. dig deep into your heart .. that's why you hear a scream .. the scream is inside ……………… the picture tells a story .. a story of a heart like yours .. he was murdered .. there is blood everywhere .. there is a full moon in the sky .. but it's still so dark ... white owls are watching on the trees .. they  are making a loud voice .. but … somehow fear makes it so quiet ... black cats .. blue eyes shining in the darkness ...

he was murdered .. murdered by love .. love is tough .. love is strong .. love hurts ............... it hurts hearts ... weak hearts .. hearts like his ...

This is not where the story ends .. this is just where it begins .. laying down in a pole of memories .. memories are flashing .. flashes all over his head .. it shows pictures .. pictures about laughter , smiles , green lands full of flowers.

Somehow I realized .. mirrors are not lying after all .. they only lie to who wants the lie... they only lie to those who never looks inside ..

So if you lost yourself and you want the truth .. go and ask your mirrors they will show what is true ... and honestly look deep and they will show you ... no matter what picture appears .. they will only show "you"

but what if there is another truth .. a truth that tells you about the key .. there will always be a sadness inside .. there will always be a smile ...

what if you still can't see the smile in the mirror !!?

what if there is no smile !!?

stop looking at the mirrors waiting .. hoping .. praying that the mirror will show you back your smile .... the smile is in your hands .. the smile is in your heart .. you can always smash the mirrors .................. yes you will bleed .. and yes there is pain .. but now you can build your life all over again....

draw yourself a thousand smile .............

build yourself a lovely spring with flowers for a thousand mile........

build it with no sorrow .... build it with no pain..........

draw yourself  a lovely cloud that gives you hope in the rain ............

My suicide

My Suicide

I hear laughter ……………

I feel regret ……………

I see a smile ………………

I still can smell your perfume from the last time we've met ........

I'm nowhere … at empty hole of time … and I still have the same question in my mind ........... the question that I was running from a long time ago "what is going on"

Echoes just repeating what I always turn a blind eye on .....The same question "what is going on"

Maybe I have never known what is the answer .. but somehow I just know that this time the answer has to differ .. because what is going on now is different ………

Ooooooh now I remember …………

My hands are in the air like I was flying ……

The wind blows my hair … and I'm still crying ……

Standing on an edge … High there I stand ……

It felt like you're in the top of the world .. but there is no land .....

It felt like you are above the skies .. but still underground ……

As if your head is held high .. but yet you feel so drowned ………

Oooh now I remember …………

Throwing my body over that edge falling in the air .... And somehow while falling .. I see myself still standing right there ……

As if I'm not one person .. as if there is two of me … there is the one who is falling … and there is the one who's still free …

I remember misery .. and I remember tears ........

But somehow they just fade .. and slowly disappear ........

All what is left is your smile … and the rose you gave me ...........

I remember we were together .. under the shade of an apple tree .........

And I remember I'm a child with my friends playing …… playing on the green grass ……

I remember summer and spring …. And the rain on our window's glass...

I remember my path where we planted our flowers together … there were pink and white and blue ....

when pink is my family and whit was my friends .. there were happiness and joy that never ends ....

And there were always the warming blue …there were always someone beside me ..  there were always you ...

All what I remember now is what keeps anyone alive … so I'm wondering what got me here falling from the skies ....

Well .. that was not so bad .. at least there were always someone there beside me who never flee out ......

So what I was thinking being here in the middle of two ends .. the sky and the ground …

And the same question "what is going on" has a different answer now ……

When suddenly my eyes opened .... As fast I go to ground ……

and now I only wish ………

wish I still got the chance ………

If I'm still on that edge … I would surely just turn around …………………………………………

Too much to understand

Too much to understand

Is it just the way that everything has to go !!??

Or is it the time when the sadness had to grow !!??

And what about the morning .. what about the night

What about fear .. turning off every light

How about a thousand question, just answered with a smile

And how hard is that step to begin the thousand mile

I know I miss you … but still can't figure it out …....what is it that brings the light to my darkest night …

is it the moon that is up there glowing high ... or is it your eyes that I see every night shining up the sky.

Give me my sanity .. give me my faith … leave me alone and make me with you .. be beside me and never let go .

Life lies around us .. and deep in our hearts.

And I want you to be the truth and to be my own heart … because when everything ends there is always another start.

The world looks so scary

The world looks so scary

When scared is the common word in all of your conversations ... when your eye is showing you everyday a bigger lie than yesterday .... Believe me just close it .. close your eyes and start listening .. but listen carefully .. listen with your heart .... And next time when you believe you see a lie .. just look a little further .. or just take a step behind ... what lies before you is just beautiful .. the real lie might just be your eye .

Suffering is not the purpose of our lives .. that is not why we came here in this world ........ it's never too late .. you still have much more left in you .. yes you will suffer sometimes .. yes you will see sadness eating your heart .... But guess what !! your heart is still alive ... the same heart that can draw a smile on someone who really needs a smile .. the same heart that can lead someone to the road with the thousand miles .. be proud of your broken heart .. be proud of your tear .. make your best flower comes out of your fear ........

So every time when you stop in the middle of your life ................ when your clock stop ticking while the world is moving around .. when it seems you're walking backward and you feel you are so drowned ... as if your mind and thoughts are killing you .. as if your heart is ripped apart ............... then you feel ................. no ... then you don't feel .. the pain has gone beyond the limits of feelings ........ but also then ........... when it is so dark you will see even the tiniest gleam .................... and when you see it .. hold on to it and never let go ... there is still so much left in you .. just let the light leads you to the life that still awaits you ......

It's a journey full of cross roads ... and every time you want to go through one .... some are full of flowers others full of misleading signs .. as if a road is full of speedy cars .. the cars are so fast and you still fear to pass .. you have two choices .. either die just where you stand or take the chance .. face your fears .. free your chains .. close your eyes and by god just cross it .. the world looks so scary .. it's just how it looks but in fact it's not ..

If we were alive

If we were alive

life ................... what a strange word !!!

we might be using it every day ... but what does it really mean !!!?? for some of us it means breathing .. for others it just means keeping the heart beating ... but what about those who uses the word living as equivalent to surviving ..............

are we really alive !!!!!!!!!!!!

how many tricks could it be in such a small tricky word like life !!! it might be a small word indeed ... but it gives you the feeling of being lost in an ocean ... as if your heart is still beating but empty with no emotion ..... what if the tricks are here .. inside our imprisoned minds .... What if we still free .. and the chains that kept us there .. were just delusions and lies.

We live years of surviving .... we survive years of living .............. so how can we live !!!! what is the point of living if in the end we are going to die !!! here is where the word living stands helpless and meaningless .. everyday that passes .. every moment that goes .. it takes us more closer to the end ... as if you're trapped in a room with no windows .. with no doors ............ maybe there wasn't supposed to be a word called living or life .... We die since day one of our lives ....... from the first moment of our birth we cry .. from the first moment we die .............

Is that really the truth ......!!!

Is life really should be that hollow ........... Should we feel that emptiness inside our hearts !!!!!!

Then why do we laugh !!!!

and what does it mean when you wave to a little girl and she waves back .. with a smile in her face and an ice cream in her hand !!!!! and if there is no life ... how am I supposed to describe that feeling every time when the rain touches my skin .....  and what is that feeling that fill us with power and passion .. that freedom you feel over the high hills .. that feeling that drives you crazy and makes your body chills ..... that feeling when you're happy .. that feeling when you're sad .. that electric feeling you have with the first winter's breeze that flows on you cheeks .......That stare in our eyes that stops the time around us when every time the sun rise again after along dark night .. the tear that comes out of your eyes when the sun rise higher while it's rays makes it's way through the gray white cloud ...... not to mention the trees and birds that sing around .... not to mention sleeping on grass as a green magic covers the ground ............

sadness and desperation .. they kill us so many times through our lives ....... while we should die once .. and truly we should live and leave behind  what pulls us down ....... because death is just a gate .. takes us from one life to another .. and you're the one to decide.

so whether you feel happy or you feel sad … whenever there is a confusion between what is a lie and what's true .... you're dead if you can't share your feelings with someone that truly cares for you ..... Because life is not about how long you will survive .. that's why before you die make sure you were alive ........